Friday, November 25, 2011

Thanksgiving Concert Sabatoged

The annual Rockettopia Thanksgiving Concert was an epic fail after an unknown party filled the chorus practice room with helium. Although there is no proof of who is behind the caper, most students believe that the Strings have finally got their revenge. Some support for this theory comes from the fact that, although the Strings have held a bake sale every Friday since the kidnapping of one of their own, they had not seemed to have spent the money. The fact that the string orchestra record books are said to list 'Helium' as their highest expenditure is also a hint. The chorus has stated in a press release that they intend to get revenge.

In unrelated news, the Aeronautics club has tracked the principal to a remote island in the pacific. The student council is trying to raise money for a rescue mission. The balance of the 'Rescue the Principal' fund is currently at five cents.

In the auction for Cornpopper space, the Psychology and Ecology clubs are still neck-and-neck.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

D&D Club Least Equipped to Handle Actual Troll

In a turn of events that surprized the entire Dungeons and Dragons Club, the D&D club was actually the least equipped student group to handle the troll that rampaged through Rockettopia High School on Wendsday. Although the D&D club leader, a self discribed 'Level 14 Elf Wizard', tried using magic to stop the rampaging beast, he was unsucessful, determining that the troll 'Is under the influence of a level 15 anti-type-6C-magic-shield-spell.' In related news, the D&D club has chosen a new leader.

The anti-cyberbullying club attempted to cure the troll's antisocial tendencies through compassion, and three of them were devoured before someone pointed out that 'It's not that kind of troll.' The ecology club withdrew to their ecological complex (i.e. Classroom with a lot of plants) to attempt to find a natural control.

After a few hours, the Robotics club defeated the troll with a giant killer robot. They said that they had not defeated the troll earlier because 'We thoguht it might give us more respect than the student council. But the council's going to give us a grant now, right?' The correctness of this statement was emphisized by the robot training a laser on the class president. We here at The Cornpopper hope that, in the words of the principal 'This damn school will stay quiet for a whi-' The principal's remarks were cut short as he was kidnapped by harpies.

To raise funds, The Cornpopper will be auctioning off a spot in an upcoming edition to the club that pays the most. The Psycology Club and the Ecology Club are currently neck and neck for first.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Student Sells Soul to Satan for CityCash

Yesterday, an unnamed student leaked the news that another unnamed student had told her that her friend’s boyfriend’s best friend had sold his soul to Satan for 1,000 CityCash.

CityCash, the form of currency in the popular Facebook game CityVille, has now become such an important part of the economy that 75% of stores now accept it as legal tender, and news networks issue daily updates on the strength of the CityDollar. “Looking at these facts, it’s inevitable that CityCash would become more valuable than the soul.”, said the president of the Rockettopia High Economics Club. “I think we can expect to see a lot more of this in the future.”

According to the spokesperson for the Psycology club, the soul-less student, who now wanders the hall looking for brains and avoiding glee fans, originally bargained for 10,000 CityCash, but was turned down by Satan, most likely because a soul is only worth so much, and Satan’s city doesn’t appear to be doing very well. “Anyway”, said the spokesperson,” this guy didn’t have much of a soul. He was in the D&D club, and they’re supposed to have an exclusive deal with Boccob.”

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Sex in Sectionals

This week, the shocking truth came out that students in the Rockettopia String orchestra were using their sectional time for, among other things, sex. An onlooker reported this:

“I was walking past one of the practice rooms when I saw a girl walking in. Then I heard a brief conversation, followed by giggling and a flow of students leaving the room. Then the giggling intensified, followed by kissing sounds, other sounds, and cries of ‘Yes, yes, oh, oh, more, more, hehehe!’ I then quietly walked away.”

Despite the fact that the student only confided in his experience with a few close friends, the story quickly got around, resulting in the principal condemning the situation as ‘Shocking!’, the psychology club issuing a statement blaming the situation on the human instinct towards mindless sex. The Band also released a taped statement, “These shocking revelations show how mindless the string orchestra can be at times. However, do not use this as an excuse to condemn the entire music department. These allegations do not apply to the band.” The student body generally thinks this speech would be much more reassuring if not for the cries of ‘Ooohhh! Ooohhh! Yes! More! Faster! Oh, oh, oh!’ emanating from a nearby room.

The Chrous also released a statement, albeit of a different tone than the Band’s: “Why is anyone shocked by this? Isn’t this what sexionals is for? I mean, it’s sexionals, right?”