Study Shows 2013 Not Over Yet

A new study released yesterday has demonstrated conclusively that the year 2013 is not yet over. The study, which has shown that there may be as many as sixteen days left in 2013 as of today, has caused panic among major news organizations which, under the impression that 2013 had ended last week, had released their various stats, lists, and 'Top 10's of 2013. As the author of the study said, "Although many people seem to be under the impression that 2013 is over, our findings show that this is not the case. So there's still time for a few memorable events. President Obama could go on a public bath salts binge! North Korea could invade South Korea! Justin Bieber could do something! Congress could pass more than the most basic legislation! Well, not that last one. But you see my point; it turns out that everyone has really jumped the gun here. 2013 is not over yet."
CNN responded to the findings by declaring the study fourth in the 'Top 10 Crazy Studies of 2013'.

Philosophy Club: 'Don't Say That 2013 Couldn't Be As Weird As 2012'

        The Philosophy club has embarked on a campaign to make sure no one utters the phrase: "At least the next year couldn't be as weird as the last o- OW! That was unnecessary!" The club warns that suggesting that the bizarre and in some cases unessential events of the past year, such as the Aurora Shootings, the Newtown Shootings, the Oak Creek Shootings, the Clackamas Shooting, the Benghazi Attack, and Rick Santorum, could not be surpassed this year would be "Tempting luck" and "Not worth the risk". A leader of the club elaborated: "We're undecided about whether such statements actually effect the events that will unfold, but we're in agreement that it's definitely not worth taking that chance. I'm not sure the world could handle the kind of craziness we saw in 2012 for another year. At least there's no election!"

Senator Kerry to Resign; Take Position As Secretary of State!

Massachusetts Must Hold Special Election to fill Seat

        "F**k"