NRA: Democrats "Might use this as an excuse to save our children"

Warning: This article is unusually venomous. It's just that all those dead children was kind of upsetting.
        A spokesman for the National Rifle Association responded today to the horrific mass shooting in Newtown, Connecticut, with a warning: "This is a tragedy; Obama and the Democrats might use this as an excuse to save our children." The terrible shooting, which took place on Friday at Sandy Hook Elementary School, killed 27 people, 20 of them children. Democrats and gun legislation advocates have since begun pressing for legislation that would stop these kinds of horrors. The NRA, however, has pushed back hard. Here is a full transcript of the spokesman's speech:

        "You all are by now aware of the incident that took place in Newtown on Friday. A mentally unstable man shot his mother with her own assault rifle, then traveled to a school and killed 26 more people, 20 of them children. This is a tragedy; Obama and the Democrats might use this as an excuse to save our children."
        "This incident, along with others recently such as the one in Aurora, the shopping mall, the NFL, and the Sikh temple, has given the anti-American evildoers who want to prevent such things an excuse to press their nonviolent rhetoric. Obama has never threatened to pass any sort of gun control or passed any gun control. Now that he has won a second term, he may carry out the promises that he did not make! We must stall any sort of legislation until America once again forgets the shock of the news of another mass shooting. We MUST live in a nation where Americans never have to go through the shock and soul-searching that happens after a shooting. Because...  in our ideal nation...  this is nothing unusual.
        The fact that Adam Lanza was able to easily acquire an assault rifle without going through any sort of security check highlights a painful truth: We need more gun freedom. Until every American can get a full-sized machine gun out of a vending machine in a gas station so they can quickly respond to a threat, we are not safe. Until every elementary school child has a gun they are trained to use and to carry at all times, we are not safe. Only hours before Lanza started his attack and a world away, a man in China also attacked a school. However, since due to China's strict gun laws, he did not have a gun, all 22 of his victims are still alive. We must not become like China! We are America! Remember, American exceptionalism! We have a nation that has eight times the gun violence of other industrialized nations! We must never give up our freedom to watch our children DIE!"

In all likelihood, he would have continued, but at this point the speaker fell over with a bullet in his head.

Sources:
http://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2012/12/15/gun-control-obama-shooting/1771417/
http://www.americanbar.org/groups/committees/gun_violence/resources/the_u_s_compared_to_other_nations.html
http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/lookout/gunman-computers-may-key-connecticut-school-shooting-investigation-174438304.html