Sunday, January 29, 2012

Supply Side Economics Club Calls Obama Mars Conspiracy a Liberal Conspiracy

The president of the supply side economics club stated this week that the "Obama Mars Conspiracy Theory" was a liberal conspiracy. The "Obama Mars Conspiracy Theory" states that president Barack Obama was part of a top-secret CIA mission to mars during the 1980s, during which he was issued the warning: "Simply put, your task is to be seen and not eaten.". The Obama Administration has come out and denied this claim. Yes, that's right, the president has denies the perfectly rediculous claim that he went to Mars to "... acclimate Martian humanoids and animals to their presence..." in the 1980s. The Supply Side Economics club has concluded that the only reason the Obama administration would deny this bull&#^& is if the administration had planned the whole thing. The administration's plan, according to the Club, was to make all the other (True) Obama conspiracies, such as the Birther, Muslim, Terrorist, Gay, etc. conspiricies, look silly. The Club's president justified this claim with the statement "Liberals all have this weird obsession with generalizations." The Club President then asked why everyone within hearing distance had collapsed laughing.

Note from the News from Rockettopia Staff: The Obama Mars Conspiracy is very real, and the president really did deny it, God only knows why. Read about it here:

Friday, January 27, 2012

Joe Paterno Dies, People Immedietly Forget What an Asshole He Was

When Joe Paterno died on January 22nd, 2012, the entire world immedietly forgot what an asshole he was. People gathered to praise Paterno, instantly forgetting that he had been fired from Penn State only a few months before for covering up the fact that one of his assistants was a pedophile. As one Rockettopia football fan said, "It's so sad that such a great man had to die so soon. At least he lived a blame-free life. He was always so kind and generous! He would never let anyone, least of all a young person, come to harm. He..." It is not known what the football fan said next, as at this point the reporter was laughing so hard he could hardly breathe, let alone write.
The History club has pointed out that this has become a trend. Once someone dies, it becomes unacceptable to remind anyone of their many shortcomings. No one talks about John F. Kennedy's playboy lifestyle, how he was constantly sneaking women into the White House under his wife's nose. If anyone so much as hinted at the fact that Martin Luther King Jr. went to prostitutes, they would immedietly be slammed as a racist. (Unless, of course, that person happened to be running for the Republican nomination, in which case the person who said it would become the frontrunner) The History club says that this is probably also true of Paterno.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Students Suffer Fatal Heart Attacks After Teacher Asks if 'T-bow' is a World of Warcraft Weapon

Six students had to be hospitalized on Friday after a Math teacher asked "You all seem to be talking about T-bows. Is that a World of Warcraft weapon or something?" Two students immediately began to vomit and three suffered heart attacks and had to be rushed to the emergency room. The worst case of all was football fanatic Roy Smith who suffered a mental breakdown and is currently in the hospital and convinced that he is Blackbeard. We all hope for his recovery.
A World of Warcraft fan had this to say about the incident: "Whatever a T=bow is, it's not anything in World of Warcraft. If it was, I'd have one."