Poll Finds 50% of Rockettopia High School Teachers Cannot Tell the Difference between Twitter and Angry Birds

        The entire student body was horrified today when a new poll showed that among Rockettopia High School teachers, nearly half believed that Twitter and Angry Birds were the same thing. "I always just thought it was 'Angry Twitter-Birds' that all the kids were playing in the hallway. But now they say that Twitter is a 'Social Network'? Those kids and their gosh-darn gadgets!" commented one teacher, whose name we are politely not revealing. For those of you who live in caves without wifi, Twitter is a social networking website that limits posts to 140 characters, while Angry Birds is a front for Al-Qaeda.   Some students have been attempting to help the teachers understand the difference by writing essays in 140 characters and throwing bird-shaped objects through windows. Still, the problem persists.

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Paranoia Club Insists Angry Birds is a Terrorist Front

        The Rockettopia High School Investigative Club, also known as the Paranoia Club, today announced their new campaign to convince the school that Angry Birds is a front for Al-Qaeda. On past occasions  the Paranoia Club has attempted to alert the school that the moon landings were fake, that the CIA assassinated JFK, that the government brought down the world trade center, and most recently, that the government brought down the Sears Tower. Whenever someone points out that the Sears Tower (Now called Willis Tower) is still standing, the Paranoia Club responds, "That's what THEY want you to think!"

        The Paranoia club points out that Angry Birds is about flying things into towers to destroy them and kill things, which is basically what Al-Qaeda does. And now that you think about it, that does make sense... And if you add up the scrabble values for the letters in "Angry Birds", you get the same number as the scrabble value for "Al-Qaeda"! And that number is 99, which is 9 times 11! And if you take the first word in the Koran that starts with each letter in "Angry Birds" and mash them together... 

NO! I'M NOT CRAZY! WAKE UP SHEEPLE!

        [Okay, we got him off.] With the Paranoia Club's new press, we decided to interview the president of the Paranoia Club about his club's actions. "We don't necessarily agree on everything. We have conservative conspiracy nuts, liberal conspiracy nuts, creationists, Scientologists, birthers, 9/11 Truthers, Autism Vaccine People, and all sorts of others.", she told us. "We try not to argue about our differing views on what organization is controlling the world and what they're doing. We all work together to stop the abstract 'Other' that is definitely out to get us."

        Since their announcement about Angry Birds, the Paranoia club has seen a huge spike in membership. All of the fifteen new recruits will now have to be tested to make sure they're not robots.