MCAS Rescheduled for Next Monday; Hundreds of Students Dissappointed to Find they Played Sick for Nothing

March 19th, 2013

         As a massive snowstorm bore down on our state, the government decided to postpone the MCAS tests. These tests, which have been praised by Satan himself and are also given to detainees at Guantanamo Bay, albeit for different reasons, were canceled due to imminent danger of the entire state being snowed in. However, some unfortunate students apparently did not get the message in time. We know this because thousands of students, almost five percent in Rockettopia, entirely failed to show up today. However, we were able to reach one of them via Facebook chat. For his safety, we concealed his name.

Reporter: Hello *****************. We noticed you weren't at school today.

Student: wtf is it 2 u ?u tnk us the boss of me

Reporter: Can you repeat that?

Student: daf**s the matter with u why u spyin on me u got a problem

Reporter: Can you type so I can understand?

Student: wadaya say

Decryption Expert: "What did you say?"

Reporter: It's not important. The reason we contacted you was because you seem to have skipped school to miss MCAS.

Student: "yep man i did ditch 2day so i wudnt have2 do tha **** mkas. 

Decryption Expert: "Yes, I did ditch school today so I wouldn't have to do the MCAS."

Reporter: Didn't you know there's no MCAS today?

Student: ya ik man im so pissed about that. whyd they have2 move it like that

Decryption Expert: "Yes, I know, I'm very annoyed about that. Why did they have to move it like that?"

Reporter: So you're disappointed that you feigned illness for nothing?

Decryption Expert: so ur mad that u plyd sik and nothing happened

Student: totaly. now if im sik again they wont believe me

Decryption Expert: Yes. Now if I'm sick again they won't believe me.

Reporter: [Off Chat] I don't think I can take much more of this.

Reporter: Thanks for talking to us.

Student: No problemo dude